007 Borrows My Magic Bullet

James Bond

**MI6 Superspy James Bond strolls into my house, grabs my Magic Bullet**

Me: Uh, James?

Bond: So this is Q-Branch’s latest contraption, eh?

Me: That’s just my Magic Bullet.

Bond: A Magic Bullet to stop the Koreans? Seems like a long shot.

Me: Well, I mean, it’s basically just a mini blender.

Bond: Does it have an ejector seat?

Me: It can make salsa in like, four seconds.

Bond: Hmm. Should help me blend in.

Me: You’re not taking that with you, right?

Bond: I think I’ll give it a whirl.

Me: Please don’t break it.

Bond: I’ll use it for everything from purée to Z.

Me: You’re deflecting with puns.

Bond: Maybe I’m rough around the edges, but deep down I’m a smoothie.

Me: What?

**A belly-dancer assassin leaps out of the shadows. Bond smashes my Magic Bullet over her head**

Bond: I’m afraid you and I never did mix, Margarita.

Me: Her name-tag says, “Catherine.”

Bond: They need me back in London.

Me: You can’t just leave!

Bond: I have a mandatory sexual harassment workshop.

Me: How’d you get involved in that?

Bond: Let’s just say it lawsuits me.


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