Published Work

The New Yorker

I’m Sorry to Announce Layoffs at Ye Olde Colonial Village

Biography on A&E


Why No, I Haven’t Been Quarantining With My Secret Second Family

Variations of the “Marco Polo” Pool Game Based On Other Explorers


Journalist Who Followed ‘Hells Angels’ For A Year Learned Alarming Secret

Elvis Had ‘No Clue’ His Manager Was Hiding A Dangerous Secret From Him For Years

Details About The Manson Family’s Ranch Are Leaving People Deeply Unsettled

Wild Details From Iconic Movies That Have People Seeing Them Completely Different

Charlie Chaplin’s Scandalous Love Triangle Raised Suspicions About A Hollywood Murder


I’m Shrinking The Wage Gap By Making Way Less Money Than My Girlfriend

The National Lampoon/Weekly Humorist

A Timeline of the Development of the Modern Democracy


Steve Miller Writes a Cover Letter

A Letter to My Future Daughter’s Best Friend

Points in Case

Imaginary Blurbs on the Cover of My 4th Grade Book Report

How to Parallel Park While Barely Clinging to Your Masculinity

A Hip Dad’s Guide To Befriending His Server

Ransom Note From A Kidnapper Who Just Took A Creative Writing Class

Little Old Lady Comedy

I, Fyre Festival Founder Billy McFarland, Will Serve The Ultimate Prison Experience

Above Average

Hurricane Forced to Change Name After Passing Through Ellis Island

Can’t We Have One Monopoly Game Without A Proletariat Uprising?

Trump Denies Russia Ties While Face And Hands Covered in Borscht

Unlikely Animal Friendships That Will Make You Go “Yum!”

War on Christmas: Why Don’t Bibles Say ‘Merry Christmas’ Anymore?

Saving the Most Stuff When Your House Burns Down

The National Memo

A Beginner’s Guide to Trump-ese

Notes from the Trump-Pence Logo Design Meeting

A Late-Night Text Conversation between Putin and Trump

The Dark History Behind Donald Trump’s Hair

Comparing Trump’s Not-So-Super VP Candidates

Is Trump the New Boss Tweed?

Can Celebrity Endorsements Sway an Election?

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