5 Things Guys Should Absolutely Never Say to a Woman

It’s sometimes hard to believe that in this day and age, so many men still insist on treating their female counterparts as second-class citizens. Below I have compiled a list of some of the most utterly offensive things guys say just to try to sound cool. Let’s put an end to this rudeness once and for all, and make the world a better place for everybody.

1. “Tyler Durden is actually part of the narrator’s imagination.”

Unbelievable. You just revealed the twist ending to Fight Club, without even being asked. And the worst part is that you thought you could blab all about the shocking conclusion to David Fincher’s 1999 masterpiece just because your listener was a woman. Personally, I wouldn’t be surprised if your so-called “girlfriend” was made-up, just like Tyler.

2. “Hey, I got us some bubble gum ice cream!”

You make me sick. While ice cream is normally a delectable summer treat for all ages, bubble gum is easily the worst flavor. I mean, there are actual chunks of chewing gum crammed into every bite. What, do you really think you can just go around handing out food that’s not even edible? Disrespect to the max.

3. “Budapest is the capital of Romania.”

Really!? Because the last time I checked, Romania’s capital city is called Bucharest. Just because the two names sound similar doesn’t mean you can throw them around like they are interchangeable. You have serious issues recognizing individuality, and that is a major turnoff with the ladies.

4. “Pardon me, but would you mind holding this shredded human viscera for a moment?”

Maybe once upon a time it would have been perfectly acceptable to rope an innocent woman into your serial killing spree, but those days are long gone, pal. Next time you are about to brag all your grisly crimes in public, just remember to keep it to yourself.

5. “Kevin Spacey is Keyser Söze.”

Way to go, creep. Angry about getting turned down at the bar again and again, you’ve now spoiled two of the greatest plot twists of 1990s cinema. When it comes to assholes, you truly are one of the Usual Suspects.