Product Placement in Classic Literature

Amazon Hester

The Odyssey by Homer

The Cyclops clawed at its face in a mad rage.

‘My eyes, they burn and itch with the fury of Hades

What is the name of the villain who has stolen my Visine drops?’

Brave Odysseus shouted from his ship:

‘Nobody is my name. Nobody has stolen your Visine!”



The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

A throng of women averted their gaze as the wicked Hester Prynne walked by, her frock emblazoned with a large ‘A’ to signify her submission to Amazon’s incredibly low prices.



Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

‘I long yearned to gain the acceptance of man, but these hopes fell to pieces when I espied a selfie taken on my iPhone 6s. Each pixel displayed my hideous visage in such striking detail that I realized I would never know any normal life. I fled deep into the woods, yet even there I could not escape an impeccable mobile signal.’



The Old Man and The Sea by Ernest Hemingway

The sharks tore away the rest of the fish. The old man hung his head low, for he had nothing left to eat. Then he found a Smuckers Uncrustable. It was good.



Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

When pressed to explain the wondrous allure of a nymphet, I always compare her to a chilled can of Coors Light—not yet out of the fridge long enough to become warm, the thin aluminum squeezes between my fingers, its nubile tab popped open just far enough to let the sweet nectar flow into my soul.


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