A Special Birthday Request

Dear friends and family,

On this eve of my birthday, I expect that many of you will flood my Facebook with posts of well-wishing and good cheer. But it is very likely that your messages to me will be no different that the hundreds of others that you’ve typed out over the years. Our social media, which we claim brings us closer together, serves only to promote self-isolation and a devaluation of individual worth. We are all just automatons of the technological age. When was the last time that you actually said “Happy Birthday,” and meant it, anyway?

I say it’s time to bring compassion and effort back into the realm of human communication. It is for this reason that I ask you to take a minute out of your day, and send me five dollars. Just five dollars from each of you. Five dollars to represent a commitment to the betterment of our species, mailed to 200 Winthrop Mail Center. You don’t even have to write a card; I’d just throw it out.

Birthdays are more than just another day out of the year. They represent a promise to make mature decisions in the future, like not borrowing large amounts of money from people who disrespect you or threaten to “shove a broken lightbulb down your fucking esophagus.” Let’s all make a promise to change, and to start appreciating each other for what we really are. Thank you.

-Dan

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