Wordplay Dictionary: Half and Half

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half and half

noun

1. a mixture of milk and cream used to flavor coffee

Due a rare genetic mutation, all of Paula Deen’s children were breastfed with half and half.

2a chilled beverage made up of equal parts iced tea and lemonade, also known as an Arnold Palmer

After the Red Lobster waitress went to refill Cal’s half and half, he tittered, “To be honest, I’ve secretly always preferred to call it a Cal Leibowicz,” to his unimpressed date.

3. a grand total of one, asshole

If you didn’t know that adding half and half together equals one, then you probably aren’t smart enough to understand the rest of this blog post.

4. an extremely literal bisexual person

Martin forced himself to look past her unpleasant odor or weeping odors. He was a half and half, by gum, and if he didn’t land this chick tonight, his monthly ratio would be all wrong.

5. the alternate ending to the biblical story, “The Judgment of Solomon”

The two supposed mothers left the palace satisfied, knowing that half and half was a pretty good deal.

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2 thoughts on “Wordplay Dictionary: Half and Half

  1. Poor baby! Did they split the baby down the middle, or did one mother just get the butt?

  2. Unless one had a strong preference, I imagine going down the middle would have been fair. You can probably find your answer in the Apocryphal texts.

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