The DOs and DONTs of Job Interviews

Sage career advice from a yet-to-be-employed Harvard student. Easy tips to bring in the big bucks and land the job of your dreams, allegedly.

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DO: Make lots of eye contact. It’s like shaking hands with your eyeballs! And if you really want to engage your interviewer, you are going to want to get as much of this as possible. Make the effort to press your nose directly agains hers. Once you get close enough that it looks like you are staring into the face of a cyclops, you have hit your sweet spot.

DONT: Sit down right away. Instead, explore the space of the room a bit while doing some light dynamic stretching. The biggest mistake that rookie interviewees make is forgetting to loosen up their hammies, which can really hurt once the immunity challenge comes around.

DO: Ask lots of questions. Establish a personal bond with your potential employer. What is his favorite part of working at the office, what does he like to do in his free time, does he have any children, are there any points in which his children are home alone, what are some of his children’s biggest fears, etc. Just basic stuff.

DONT: Share any personal information. Sudden questions about your name, address, work experience, and greatest weaknesses? Sounds like a Grade-A identity theft scam. Nice try, Radio Shack.

DO: Bring along an elderly shut-in. The old geezer likely has not had a real conversation in six months, and will be pathetically unprepared to provide critical answers during the interview process. You will look like a genius in comparison. Bonus points if he craps his pants or starts rambling about Christmas during the Great Depression.

DONT: Kill the interviewer at the end of your conversation. In most cases, you are not actually competing to take that specific interviewer’s position, so killing them will not help, and may even harm, your chances of getting the job.

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