• Whenever I pull a giant wad of tissues out of my pocket, I feel like the world’s lamest magician.
  • A lot of people think it’s gross to put a partly used tissue back in your pocket. Now I only do that with toilet paper.
  • Confederate vegans are nothing but lactose intolerant.
  • I found out I’m allergic to cats, but I don’t think it’s a huge problem–it’s just a food allergy. Plus, when the doctor ordered me to get rid of my cat, I told him that it was already taken care of. He had no other advice, so he couldn’t charge me the copay. I saved $30.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close