Tag Archives: A Christmas Story

Donald Trump Tweets Reviews of Classic Christmas Movies

trump-christmas

‘Tis the season for unreason! For better or worse, our new President-Elect is not shy about sharing his opinions on Twitter, whether he’s bashing Alec Baldwin’s “sad” impression on SNL or recommending that flag-burners should go to jail. That’s all good and well, but what we Americans are really looking for are some solid recommendations for Christmas flicks. After all, this is very likely the last Christmas ever.

Accordingly, we at The Danopticon dug into the Trump Twitter vault to scrounge up some previously unpublished movie reviews. Will Trump fire your holiday favorite, or will he declare it to be the very best? Take a look:

It’s a Wonderful Life

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A Christmas Story

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Christmas Vacation

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The Santa Clause

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How the Grinch Stole Christmas

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Frosty the Snowman

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Thanks for reading, and have a bigly merry Christmas!

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Official NRA Stocking Stuffers for Your Favorite 2nd Amendment Nut!

christmas gun

It’s that time of year again: presents are getting wrapped, lights are going up, and mass shootings are at an all-time high! But don’t let that get you down, firearm enthusiasts. Here are six nifty gifts guaranteed to protect your Second Amendment rights and indirectly fund the continuing gun violence in our great country.

Remember, these are all actual items available at nrastore.com.

Firearms Record Book

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If you’re any half-decent marksman, chances are you have a hard time remember just how many weapons you own and how many bad guys you’ve shot. Keep track of your Constitutional defenses with this handy, leather-bound record book. $49.95

7.62 Keychain Bottle Opener

bullet bottle opener

The flash of the muzzle, the screams of your victims–oh God, it’s all coming back to you. What better way to clear away the guilt than with a cool six-pack, opened up with a keychain made from a military-grade cartridge? Nice try, memories. $16.95

Traveler’s Guide to the Firearm Laws of the 50 States

firearm law book

We know, most NRA diehards aren’t too big on “books” or “reading,” but this here is an exception. Featuring easy-to-read print and a portable design, this guide will let you know precisely where and how you can irresponsibly take justice into your own hands. $9.95

Door Stop Alarm

door stop alarm

Any day now, the government is going to burst into your home and try to take your guns. You can feel it in your bones. Get a jump on the bastards with this handy door alarm, whose “ear-piercing 120 decibel” screech will have you thinking, “This is what the Founding Fathers wanted.” $13.95

Minuteman Concealment Mantle Clock

gun clock

Ever think to yourself, “Gee, I like my clock, but I sure do wish it could carry a gun?” With this unique timepiece, your worries are at an end. It’s the mullet of clocks–all business in the front, and packing heat in the back. Plus, kids will hardly be able to keep their hands off it! $49.95

Daisy Model 1938 Red Ryder BB Gun Kit

bb gun

Do you have a special someone who loves both guns and the 1983 film A Christmas Story? Reward them with this authentic kit that completely ignores the ending of the movie, in which Ralphie does indeed shoot himself.

But you know whose eye won’t get shot out with this gun? Lady Liberty, that’s who! $39.95

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